I never set out to toss my ideals and values out the window. But when I allowed others to influence my decisions… When it was a choice between living and sleeping with him or not being with him… when I decided it was better to compromise who I was and to blatantly sin against my parents and God… Well I am living proof that the people who have your heart influence you.
King Solomon was no different. If you’re unfamiliar with King Solomon he was the smartest guy in the entire Bible. He’s the one that asked God for wisdom and God gave it to him.
Even with all this wisdom Solomon didn’t always make smart decisions. You know, sometimes you have enough wisdom to know what choice you should make but for one reason or another you chose to do the opposite.
Maybe one reason is influence?
Solomon surrounded himself with people who pulled his heart away from God. The Bible says it this way – “For when Solomon was old his wives turned away his heart after other gods, and his heart was not wholly true to the LORD his God, as was the heart of David his father. For Solomon went after Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and after Milcom the abomination of the Ammonites. So Solomon did what was evil in the sight of the LORD and did not wholly follow the LORD, as David his father had done.” 1 Kings 11:4-6
Do you believe that’s the legacy Solomon intended to leave? I would imagine that Solomon had every intention of following after God with his whole heart but because he was not intentional about whom he allowed to have influence over him, God lost His rightful place in Solomon’s life.
Like Solomon, the people closest to you, the people who have your heart, you mind, your ears, are the people who speak into your life. And their words, their attitudes and their actions affect you – either in a good way or a bad way.
Our wise friend Solomon later left us some tasty nuggets in the book of Proverbs. I would imagine, knowing what we know about him, these wise sayings were lessons he had to learn the hard way.
He likely had people pointing out the obvious, speaking truth in order to protect or warn him, much like what I’m doing for ya’ll now, but like the rest of us, Solomon didn’t heed their advice either until it was too late.
Solomon failed to be intentional about who he allowed to be close to him. Looking back I can see how truly unintentional I was about who I allowed to influence my life. My life finally got so bad, I was finally so broken, I ended up in a place where I didn’t even recognize myself.
I wanted so desperate to be loved. To be accepted. To belong. To feel important. I wanted to be liked.
Not only did I seek out fulfillment of those needs outside of Christ but instead I sought out fellowship with people who didn’t even know Christ. People who didn’t give me Godly counsel, if they were even there to give me counsel at all.
They weren’t bad people but they weren’t my friends either.
The Bible describes a friend as someone who will help and encourage us. As someone who is willing to experience loss for us. Other attributes of a friend are humbleness, gentleness, patience, bearing each other’s burdens, to name a few.
My friends were girls that dated my ex-boyfriends. They were girls who couldn’t be happy when I was blessed. They were friends that stabbed me in the back when I needed them most. They were friends who said “If Christie needs me she’ll call me.”
God is a gracious God though and I do believe He truly knows what’s best for us. There was a period in my life where God allowed my past and my life to be purged and cleansed.
It was like he hit “ctrl + alt + delete” and rebooted my whole system.
It was one of those things… that if my entire system hadn’t locked up on me I wouldn’t have restarted my life.
But thank God He’s God and I’m not. About 2 years ago I had a very defining moment and I saw God removing my friends from my life. While my whole world was changing there was definitely a period where I was LONELY.
For about a year I could count on 1 hand the number of people that were actively involved in my life during that period and that number is less than 5 and includes both my parents. Now God is so big and so powerful that He could have literally lead new friends to show up on my doorstep but I believe often God intends for us to take action when He is executing His plan for our life. Jesus may have healed the paralytic in Mark chapter 2 but the paralytic still had to get up and walk.
And that’s what I did for a whole year. I got up and I walked. I walked into a new church without the comfort of knowing my family was going to be there. I walked up to the MPact table on a First Serve Sunday and volunteered, not knowing a single person in the area where I was volunteering. I walked into houses after Hurricane Ike with strangers to help other strangers begin to recover. I walked into GroupLink and signed up for my first small group then followed through by walking into a strangers home to study the Bible with even more strangers!
Each time I took a walk into uncharted territory I grew. I grew in my self-confidence. I grew in my walk with God. I grew in my faith.
I knew I was growing but my heart wanted more. I wanted a peer!
Dictionary.com defines peer as “a person who is equal to another in abilities, qualifications, age, background, and social status.”
I wanted a friend like me!
I’d like to read you an excerpt I wrote in my prayer journal almost 1 year ago to the day –
“I want to break out of my comfort zone and meet friends so I can BE a friend. But I don't want to have just any friends. I pray for companions who are real people with real flaws but have a hunger and thirst that they know can only be quenched by God. I want a girlfriend who is human like me but knows of God's abundant love and grace. I pray for God to send someone in my life that is an encourager, a counterpart, trustworthy, safe, compassionate, supportive, and FUN. Someone I can have girl’s nights and meet up at coffee shops and just hang out and talk about girl stuff!”
That was my prayer and what I was looking for in a Godly peer. The next day an old friend contacted me out the blue and asked me to dinner. Remember I had been LONELY for almost a year. This was huge for me. This was an all out miracle. I knew God was listening.
Now I don’t believe God’s a genie that’s here to grant my wishes. I don’t make it a habit to make up a list of things I want God to provide me. But Psalm 37:4 says “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
Here’s the thing... All that walking I was doing… I was walking out my faith and honoring God, delighting myself in Him, by serving others. And when you’re taking delight in God and seeking Him, then guess what, my heart desired the right things! My heart desired what He wanted for me!
I was praying for a friend that I could share Biblical community. The Bible is very clear about whom we should and shouldn’t allow ourselves to get close to. Proverbs 12:26 says “A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray” Proverbs 22:24-25 says “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.” 1 Corinthians 15:33 says “Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals” So perhaps when I was praying to meet friends so I could BE a friend, I was making the right request…
When I asked for companions who have a hunger and thirst that they know can only be quenched by God, again, perhaps I was asking for the right thing.
When I asked for a friend who is human like me but knows of God's abundant love and grace and for God to send someone in my life that is an encourager, a counterpart, trustworthy, safe, compassionate, and supportive maybe just maybe God had been waiting for me to come to a point that I didn’t want to settle for just ANY friend. I believe my heart was finally in a place where I was ready to be intentional about the people I surrounded myself with. I actually didn’t realize it at the time but in hindsight my heart desired exactly the kind of friend the Bible describes.
True to His word, two months later He not only granted but he exceeded the desires of my heart by providing me wonderful Godly girlfriends like Taryn and Angie.
Who has your heart today? Is it your friends? Is it God?
Perhaps you’re where I was a year ago. Lonely. You feel like you have no one, nevertheless Godly friends. Maybe you feel hopeless. I want to challenge you to start walking. Get up and move. Get out of your comfort zone and get involved.
What does that look like? Maybe that means regularly attending your weekly small group in order to cultivate genuine relationships with peers who love Jesus. Maybe that means finding a ministry in church where you can volunteer. Outside of CCCC, there are other ministries like Young Life and Fellowship of Christian Athletes that might offer great resources for meeting people like you, who love God and are looking for a friend.
Here’s the thing, if you’re sitting at home waiting for someone to show up at your door and you love Jesus then ask yourself how bright are you shining your light? Maybe you have to walk for a year too before you see the fruits of your labor but I promise you, you’re not wasting time and God has not left you. Just keep seeking God first and He’ll take care of the rest.
On the flip-side, maybe you’ve realized the people you’ve been surrounding yourself with are people not worthy of imitation. But maybe you’re too scared to walk away from what you know. At least you have people to hang out with. At least you’re not “lonely.”
I want to encourage you too to start walking. Walk away. Let it go. Change. Matthew 10:39 says that if you hold onto your life you will lose it but to let it go is to find it.
I was having a really great conversation on Facebook the other day on that very topic, letting go of something we see valuable in order to gain the best of what God intends for us. I’d like to quote something Rusty said because I think he explained what I’m talking about better than I could.
“I think that God speaks to our hearts and shows us areas of our lives that need to be cleaned out. Many times if we are stubborn and not willing to make sacrifices we leave ourselves open to more brokenness. God will continue to break you down until he gets you to that point of complete surrender. God is very persistent and He will continue to break us until he gets us where He wants us. [That is], completely dependent on Him and His will for our lives and willing to give anything up in order to be obedient and trusting in Him for our destiny and all our needs.”
Oh how God sweetly breaks us to draw us closer to him.
If your friends aren’t worth imitating maybe it’s time to create some distance. Maybe you’ve known for a while now your relationships are the very thing holding you back from the intimate relationship with God He so desires.
If you’re feeling tension deep down inside right now, pay attention to it.
Additionally, until you begin to back away from some of your more unhealthy relationships, you will never have the time and energy to find the good friendships that God wants for you.
As we move into our small groups, begin to ask yourself these questions:
- What direction are your closest friends taking you?
- If you keep heading in that direction, will you end up where you want to be?
- What action do you need to take to get your friendships in a place where you are surrounded by people who better you and your character?
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